So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
