Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I smell like Dick and happiness
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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