I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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