12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
