I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize