just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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