talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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