Where is the hickey?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
