how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
