Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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