Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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