You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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