watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Randomize
