smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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