careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
