I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
