My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
