THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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