just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
