i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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