the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
