What a fucking waste of an outfit
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
