I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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