Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
