idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
