Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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