the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
