I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
