I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
