either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
