I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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