youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
