Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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