its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
