I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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