For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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