I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
