one might say we're banned from that church
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
