I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
