What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
