i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
