btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
