My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
