Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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