glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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