i barfeds in our rink
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
