worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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