The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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