Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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