Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
