i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
