I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's never too late to be topless.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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