In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
