false alarm. still invincible.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
