Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
