there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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