apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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