i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
