Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize