Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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