the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
