I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
