WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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