I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
