please come you make the beer taste better
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize