I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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