Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
