Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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