You're my little dorito
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Randomize
