Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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